Have you ever felt a wooden handle snap at a knot in the grain? Have you seen a metal rod bend inexplicably at an invisible flaw in its composition? Have you watched a rope burst into frayed ends at a fibre of weakness?

You and I are created beings and just like a metal rod or wooden handle or braided rope, we are prone to fail. 

When you think about your flaws, do they produce feelings of dislike? Disgust? Anger? Disappointment? Shame?

The next time you felt a rod or handle or rope, you felt it differently. You felt its fallibility, because you've seen how their weakness can cause them to break. You paused to weigh the task at hand against its unknown capacity to bear. 

That’s normal.

 I think self-doubt, to a degree, is normal too. It comes from living real life: from knowing that you are prone to weakness. All created things – including you and I – have weakness in common; but, perhaps there is a way we can re-frame how we see our own shortcomings. Here are three invitations that have helped me embrace who God made me to be:

Welcome Failure

If you have taken yourself to the point of breaking, you might be the type that acts “large” and maybe yells or punches things; or you might be more subdued and internalize your breaking point in a quiet addiction or depression. You have known a sensation and experience that only comes from attempting something, which is bravery in its own right. 

You have lived. 

You have tried. 

To fail in trying is natural; no one succeeds every time. 

And to fail is to know grief: a deeply uncomfortable sensation. In my experience, it is especially scary for those who like to be in control. 

This may cause you to dislike who God has made you to be. You wonder (doubt?) what the next time will bring.
Of course you do! That would be logical to do so, and it is not weakness. 

James 1:6 says - controversially - doubt makes us like a wave tossed about on a windy sea. 

Can we use doubt as the beginning of strength? Does doubt have a utilitarian function or is it simply a scar?

If we wonder about failure, we must also wonder about possibility.

Welcome Wonder

Wonder is all the goodness you have not yet known. 

Wonder necessitates hope in goodness to come. 

But at some time in the past, hope made us feel shame. We hoped and our expectations let us down: disappointed and thwarted. And the next time it became harder to hope. In God. In yourself. 

I think this is what Scripture is really getting at when it comes to doubt; Hope finds its source in the God who formed you, the God who has a plan for your life, and has a cosmic story to write with you included. 

If hope in this God is eroded, then wonder dies. 

I have experienced this death as a father, as a working professional, and as a friend. I have witnessed the literal death of our first pregnancy at 20 weeks old. I have wondered, “Can I ever be excited about the prospect of new life again?” As a professional, I’ve had more ideas fail or die or never see the light of day than I can count. I have been ridiculed on national television for a decade’s worth of work that was seen by “experts” as unworthy of their investment. I have wondered, “Are my ideas and contributions, characteristics and personality worth anything?”

I have learned hope is the fuel for wonder; and curiosity is the vehicle. 

Riding shotgun in this curious car is the art of “noticing” – asking questions, exploring, and considering. When I cease to wonder, it's often because I’ve lost hope. When I’ve lost hope, I stop wondering. I stop being curious. The art of “noticing” has been a gift to me, encouraged by my spiritual director. “Notice with God,” she reminds me. 

• I get out my journal and consider the day before or the day ahead. 

• I try to move from thoughts to feelings and sensation. 

• I draw, not because I’m amazing, but because I enjoy it. 

• I look into people’s eyes as they speak to me and try to really see them. 

The act of noticing - in a variety of little ways - encourages wonder in me, and opens up new possibilities in my heart and mind. This, in turn, prompts hope.

Wonder dreams: “Could the world be different?” 

Wonder invites you and I to play a part in change. 

Wonder: What is the specific goodness that you have not yet known and only begun to imagine? 

Welcome Hope

You may not always like who God has made you to be, but regardless of how you feel about yourself please know (deeper than feelings) that God made you. 

And while you know your flaws better than anyone else, you don’t know them better than He does. And still He loves. Therein lies your hope.

You are on the path of discovering the mysterious ways in which God wants to work with you inside His story, flaws included. There’s a hidden hope inside waiting to be discovered and known.

I am also living out this very same truth: walking alongside the God who loves me with my flaws in hand - into a future presently unknown.

So, at the very least, know that you are not alone. 

You and I, flawed together, walk on with wonder, curiosity and the art of noticing, hand in hand with the God of hope who loves that which He has made.